The sometimes crushing anxiety that comes with being a parent. How it never ceases to be mind boggling that you are flesh of my flesh, literally, wholly and also. The sheer weight of knowing your life is in my hands…and I have to get it right. Last year, around this time I wrote this
Maybe your excruciating entry into this world is the price we pay for playing God… if so then I’ll pay it with all the humility I can master.
And so have I been humbled. Bringing you into this world was quite an experience, one that I loathe yet never wish to forget. I want to remind myself of the foolishness that took me to the brink of life and death, that made me think playing God would be ‘not so bad’. I want to remember that I was courageous enough to have you, so that I never forget the miracle that you are. Alive and well, breathing and growing, here you are now, on this side of things.
I want to always remember the rush of gratitude i felt when i first saw you, gratitude that we had made it through that horror. I want this gratitude to see me through the days the anxiety leaves me feeling like I’m in a chamber and life is nothing but echoes. May I always remember.